Unexpected Threat from Nuclear testing

by your science correspondent

    The earth's axis is tilted by about three degrees as a result of nuclear tests conducted since 1945.

    Hidebound conventional physicists will tell you that this is impossible since nuclear tests are puny compared to Earthquakes and  volcanic eruption.

    What  do they know?

    Modern Science as noted by that great monolith of Intellectual capacity, Richard Feynman, and later used by the sublime Stephen Hawking shows that a particle moving forward in time is equivalent to an anti particle moving backward in time. There is also a growing consensus that time reversed regions of the universe can coexist with ours [1].

Hence nuclear explosions propagate backwards in time, growing stronger and stronger  by interacting with the cosmic ethereal consciousness of the universe and by matter-antimatter interactions till they initiate the big bang. On the way they account for the past tilt of the earth's axis by up to 20 degrees and for magnetic pole reversals. It should be noted there are compensating factors at this time [2]

    This is of course not the only theory [3] but it is the most plausible, since we can rule out conventional science which is of course produced by  reptilian aliens disguised as communist sympathizers ( little red men).

    So unless we can persuade our money driven communist governments to stop groveling in front of the military industrial complex and halt nuclear testing the earth will fall over and the northern hemisphere will become the southern hemisphere.


So get out there and lobby against nuclear weapons for the love of Jesus if you don't want to be kow-towing to some Buddhist dictator in twenty years time

See you all next month.

[1] New Scientist 3rd February 2000 - or maybe it was the tenth with time flowing backward.

[2] The hole in the ozone layer means increased solar pressure keeping the earth upright, this is augmented by the fact that the Chinese are getting more prosperous, and therefore fatter, and the increased weight is pulling the earth upright.

[3] There is some evidence that the axial tilt arises as a result of increased alcohol concentration in the earth's mantle. Should this be so the cure is to have a large number of tankers containing instant coffee
dump their contents on top of a hot spring near a subduction zone, thus producing a compensatory increase in caffeinoids in the mantle. At the same time it will be necesary to ensure the Earth does not have the opportunity to have such a concentration of alcohol again. Prohibition must never be repeated and everyone must drink a bottle of whiskey a day.